Friday, 7 January 2011

And so on.

So, for the past few months i have been training to be a hairdresser, I'm enjoying it as much as i can, but i would enjoy it more if i had the confidence!!
So basically, i go through stages of not wanting to be around anymore, and that i feel dead alone. People tell me to 'stop being silly' and stuff, but if only they really knew how i felt. :(
When we are quiet at work i sit around and i think about the way i'm feeling, and the negatives, as iv already said, i wear 'Negative glasses' so all i see is the negative things!
Today -
Iv felt like total rubbish if im honest, I can't understand myself and when my friends try to lay their problems on me too, Woahhh I'm then at the point of popping. I just want to turn round and tell them to find someone else to talk to, because i can't handle it! Obviously i want to know if they have a problem, but i dont want to be the only one knowing! Too much responsibility!! I can't give other people advice if i don't know what to do myself!! It's stupid!!!!!!
Family - As your aware, my mum has been ill, but my dad has done his best to keep us all together. I was once (recently) told, that my dad has tried to protect my mum from everything that's going on around her, that they are in their own world and without realising it have blocked me out, and to me, it looks like they dont care.
I love my family, to the point where i would do anything for them, i just wish i could tell them how i feel, I mean, they're my parents, they'd want to know/help, just wish it was possible!!! :(

Everyday i have my up's and downs and i can never control my emotions, if im going to be on a downer - that's that, theres nothing you can do to get me out of it, Ill cry for hours. Every night, i will sit in my room, think about how rubbish my life is and has been the past few months, and ill cry.. until the point where crying makes me feel sick, at that point i begin to feel the tiredness. And i will just cry myself to sleep.

Enough for now guys.

1 comment:

Jacqui said...

Your father has done the natural thing by keeping you all together and of course wanting to protect your mother from things and sadly during this or terrible times...push others out without meaning to do it. So as you say you can't be hard on them for that. But they are your mother and father and far stronger than you think!

Friends... remove the moaning draining ones from your life at the moment...those that drag any happiness out of you don't need to be dragged down any further or feel bad for trying to get your life together.

You are at a stage that I think you want help just not sure you can do it...well you have taken the first step by asking so the rest is up to you....people are there for you :))) xxxxxx