Monday, 10 January 2011


So, I had my first day back to college today since about 6 weeks ago! I must admit i was dreading it. But as the day went on, i suppose it got better. Trying to think positively through-out the day is the best way... Thinking - 'I CAN do this work' Its hard to think, but i try.
At the minute im not feeling so jolly, Feeling a little down, with no reason, which is what really upsets me, the fact i dont know why im like it. :(
I tend to have trouble sleeping, so i have recently tried new techniques.. And thanks to one person particularly, i slept for about 7 hours last night... 3 hours more than normal! :o
Okay,, tonight this isnt working, We'll have to give it another go tomorrow.

Saturday, 8 January 2011

And so forth.

Today - So, had a bit more positive day today. Some people who i have spoken to may not believe i have had a good day, because i must admit when iv spoken to people iv been feeling a bit pooey.
At the minute im also feeling a little rubbish, I'm just a complete stress head. I can't figure out why either!
Im really not feeling this blog tonight, i don't know what to write, you'd think it would be easy, but it's really not!! :/

Friday, 7 January 2011

And so on.

So, for the past few months i have been training to be a hairdresser, I'm enjoying it as much as i can, but i would enjoy it more if i had the confidence!!
So basically, i go through stages of not wanting to be around anymore, and that i feel dead alone. People tell me to 'stop being silly' and stuff, but if only they really knew how i felt. :(
When we are quiet at work i sit around and i think about the way i'm feeling, and the negatives, as iv already said, i wear 'Negative glasses' so all i see is the negative things!
Today -
Iv felt like total rubbish if im honest, I can't understand myself and when my friends try to lay their problems on me too, Woahhh I'm then at the point of popping. I just want to turn round and tell them to find someone else to talk to, because i can't handle it! Obviously i want to know if they have a problem, but i dont want to be the only one knowing! Too much responsibility!! I can't give other people advice if i don't know what to do myself!! It's stupid!!!!!!
Family - As your aware, my mum has been ill, but my dad has done his best to keep us all together. I was once (recently) told, that my dad has tried to protect my mum from everything that's going on around her, that they are in their own world and without realising it have blocked me out, and to me, it looks like they dont care.
I love my family, to the point where i would do anything for them, i just wish i could tell them how i feel, I mean, they're my parents, they'd want to know/help, just wish it was possible!!! :(

Everyday i have my up's and downs and i can never control my emotions, if im going to be on a downer - that's that, theres nothing you can do to get me out of it, Ill cry for hours. Every night, i will sit in my room, think about how rubbish my life is and has been the past few months, and ill cry.. until the point where crying makes me feel sick, at that point i begin to feel the tiredness. And i will just cry myself to sleep.

Enough for now guys.

Thursday, 6 January 2011

The start.

So, It all started when my mum fell ill, She was diagnosed with Breast Cancer in 2009. The doctors were pretty confident that it was going to be fine, which made my mum think positive too. If im honest, at the time i did too, But it all went down hill after she got the 'All Clear' That was almost a year ago now, but i still have the thought of it's going to return. No matter what people tell me, i wear 'Negative glasses' I can only see the positives if i REALLY set my mind to it. (Not very often)
My life has hit rock bottom, i cant tell anyone how i feel, Well, very few. I dont trust anyone. Thats my problem. If only i had the guts to speak out.
I feel like im walking down a spiral stair case with no bottom, Ill keep walking, and it will keep getting worse.
Everyday is a rubbish day, I 'try' to put a smile on my face, to avoid the usual..... "But you have a family, a house and good friends" Talk from people. That means nothing. Yeah i love them but..
Enough for tonight i think.